Stay Focused

a lot of the time, i find it hard to focus on one. i tend to do multiple things at once, and can focus on all of them pretty well, but when im just doing one thing, its really hard to focus on it. 

ive been reading up on iq tests, and how people have tested in the past. ive taken a lot online, some say 180 + some say 150 +, i also took a test on mensa, the free one, and i got 29/30 right the first time ( mensa is the only website that is credited), so i know none of them are very accurate, so i really want to take a legitimate test to really see how i test. but when i read about people who have tested high, they have done things with their lives that i could never come close to doing. i feel so dumb, and i feel like i have no knowledge whatsoever about anything, and just feel ignorant more than knowledgable. 

its hard for me to stay focused, let alone be patient with something. i was waiting for youtube so about a minute, and i just started screaming, and almost broke my computer. i guess ive just waited too long in the past to the point where i just cant wait any longer. but staying focused is really hard for me for some reason. i try to focus on my homework, just get sidetracked, and end up listening to music, playing pokemon, doing the homework a little faster than i would have if i didnt have those things, but thats not the point, the points is that i just cant focus on things to the point where i need to like listen to something, jump, walk around, something to take my mind off of just that one thing, and on to two or three things so i dont have all my eggs in one basket. i think that phrase fits the situation. 

another thing is im not focused on things like school, or sports, but more so focused on my relationship status. i love this girl, but our relationship has been really hard in these past months, and i just dont know what to do anymore. its not like i dont care, but it hurts too much to care anymore. 

i put so much effort into that, and other useless things that im not focused on things like school or family, i dont know notice other things, and i just focus on things i care about. i dont like to focus on things other people care about because if its not me, then i dont really care.

i know i sound hypocritical when i say im in love, but i really dont care, but its just to the point in my life where i just dont care who you are, what you are, where you are, when you are, whatever. i dont really care. you are just another person in the world, just like me, we are practically the same thing, taking up the same space, breathing the same air, running the same race, we are no different than anyother person in this whole goddamn world, but that doesnt mean you should give up. i still have time to try to take back my life, which i intend on doing, but i just need to find a way to focus on things that are meaningful instead of things like a relationship, or family, or friends. i need to find myself, and i think that would take a while with all the distractions around me. 


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