I Was Sick

It’s 1:30 as I’m writing this.

 

I’m really hungry and have been for the past 20 minutes. I woke up at close to 12 o’clock in the morning, and I haven’t been able to fall back asleep, yet. Usually, I would have Wi-Fi, and I would be able to watch YouTube until I fell back asleep, but since I’m sick, and my parents turned off the Wi-Fi because they wanted me to get as much rest as possible, I can’t do what I want to do.

 

I’ve been home sick for the past couple days, and have done most of my homework, missing a couple assignments here and there, but I’ve kept up with the workload I was given. However, I still haven’t finished at least 2 assignments for English class that I should have a week ago. I’ve had many chances, and opportunities to actually get down to business and start doing them, in the hopes of finishing, but really have had no such motivation to do anything but sleep.

 

Once you get in the habit of sleeping a lot, its hard not to come home from school and take a nap, or not wake up until 6 PM on a Sunday. I slept because I was stressed, and sleeping took away the stress, momentarily. While I slept, I didn’t have to deal with the stress and the chaos around me. I was alone, all alone, in my thoughts. I was left to think about what I wanted to do, what I felt, what I was feeling, I was left to wonder what would happen, what had happened. I had all these things I could think about, and it just made me want to look into them more and more.

 

I’ve had so many great adventures in my thoughts, and some even translate, or correlate to real life events, that could have happened that week, or even several years back. It just blew me away that I could remember some things in my thoughts, my dreams, but I couldn’t remember them for the life of me when I was awake.

 

For example, I was in school, and we were learning about something, and I was completely clueless as to what we were even talking about. When I got home, after of course another stressful day in the life I lead, I fell asleep. Unknowing of the fact that I would revisit such knowledge, I willingly fell asleep in hopes to forget what happened that day, but actually found the answer to many of my questions.

 

I woke up sweaty, it’s quite common, and all of a sudden knew and understood what we had been talking about that day in class. Its not that I never knew, its just that I had forgotten all about it. I had seen it and studied it before, so the knowledge was already in my mind, I just couldn’t translate it like I could when I was asleep.

 

The same goes for adventures we all wish we could go on. I came home from school; it was a decent day. I remember eating some food, then immediately falling asleep to a YouTube video.

 

In my dreams, my thoughts, I wasn’t trapped, but I felt found. I felt as if my thoughts had found me, and vice versa. I was able to access thousands of memories, and was also able to make more.

 

My mind chose to make more as I was catapulted into a new world, one I had never seen before. I was a foreign substance in another mans world. It was scary, and intimidating, but I quickly met someone, or something.

 

It looked like a man, although it was somewhat see through, like some of those bioluminescent fish you see at the bottom, or at least close to the bottom, of the sea. The light shunned through him and was quickly reflected on to me. I looked at my body, and I saw that I was also somewhat see through, and the light was reflected onto me, then refracted through me, and bounced down to the ground, and lighting the setting, as it was previously pitch black.

 

I had never seen or experienced something like this ever before in my life, so I didn’t know what to expect. I had no knowledge of what was going to happen next. It was scary knowing that I knew nothing of where I was, what I was doing, who I was, when I was, or why I was. I was confused, but at the same time intrigued to find out more.

 

After the room was completely filled full of sun, the man proceeded to walk backward facing me, making sure I followed him, never straying from the clear path he was then painting. He led me to a spot under a tree. It wasn’t a very large tree, more so medium size, but it looked very abundant with leaves, and was flourishing in the sunlight. We walked around the tree until the man signaled to a door. I had no idea what he wanted me to do, but curiosity killed the cat, and I opened the door, unknowing of what would be on the other side.

 

I was hoping for an answer, but was met with a question. The door had led me to yet another room, but instead of being pitch black, it was white. Very white, I couldn’t see a thing. I looked down at what seemed to be a never-ending drop into nothing, and saw just that, nothing.

 

What was my mind trying to tell me? I was nothing? I would amount to nothing? I didn’t understand what was being said to me. But then I remembered, I was in my thoughts, I could think, I could do whatever I wanted. I started to see things form in my imagination, which were immediately translated into a picture perfect copy in the white room. As I thought more and more about things I wanted in life, I started to see the room light up, and the things appear.

 

It felt so real; I had everything I could ever want. Then, it hit me. My mind was trying to tell me that if I was willing to work for something, work for something’s, there was an endless possibility of things I could do, or be.

 

I woke up. Sweaty, irritated by the fact that the balls of sweat rolling down my face stung my eyes as they drip dropped down from my eyebrows.

 

I had no idea what had just happened, nor did I have any recollection of what had just happened in my mind, or in my thoughts. It’s quite usual that you do forget your dreams within a certain amount of time of waking up. But it is also quite usual that you remember later in the day, or week, or month, or year, or life. Luckily, it didn’t take me my whole life to remember what I had been thinking of. I felt as if my life had been given a new meaning, more opportunities, a clear-cut idea and game plan of what I had to do to achieve my goals, and to get what I wanted.

 

I felt in control, for the first time, in a long time. I felt as if I was knowing, wiser than I was before. I felt found. 

I Was Sick

I’m so bored, I don’t know what to do right now, I want to go ask my mom if I am going to stay home tomorrow, but I don’t know weather I should get up and leave my room or not. I risk my dad waking up, again, and bitching at us for being sick. Like it’s our faults we are sick. Our mom got sick, then we got sick, it’s not our faults, and we shouldn’t be blamed for something we don’t have control over. We don’t have control over our bodies’ immune system, we need medicine, home remedies, whatever, because our body is quite susceptible to infections.

 

It sucks because this week, I really wanted to go out with my friends, but now I don’t think I will be able to go because I was sick for a couple days, and the way my parents think is if you are sick during the school week, you are sick on the weekends. Its retarded and doesn’t make sense, I’d much rather stay home all week, and not go out on the weekends than go to school everyday and go out. That’s just my way of seeing things.

 

My parents have also turned off the Wi-Fi so I can’t see what homework I have, or had. I know that yesterday, technically, I had a really important drama performance that I had to miss because I didn’t go to school, and even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to act in the play because my voice was and still is totally shot.

 

I also know that I still have to finish a dialogue for English class by tomorrow as it is already late. The latter part of the school year, the majority of my assignments that I actually do turn in, I turn them in late, later than any student in the grade, but I do so because the teachers are very lenient with the system, and the idea of turning things in on time.

 

That actually gets me started on my philosophy of not believing in the idea of homework. Homework is just another thing school gives us to be mad about. If it weren’t for homework, I bet you most kids would be passing school, instead of failing it, or getting A’s in school instead of just being on the cusp, or the difference between a pass and fail. Homework is just added on to the amount of studying you might have to do for a certain class. For example, science: you have to come to class prepared with your notebook, graph paper, your notes from the previous day, a pencil, a pen, an eraser, and an open mind to whatever you are going to be doing that day, or over the span of a week, or other timeframe. Then, after science class, you will almost certainly have homework to reassure you of what you just spent an hour doing, and then you are supposed to study it. I believe that you should study your notes, but when the teacher forcefully adds on homework to the vast amount of studying you must do, then it puts more stress on the students rather than if the teacher assigned the studying, and left it up to them weather or not they would practice what they studied.

 

It puts a lot of stress on students, as well, when each and every class comes down on them with a fuck ton of homework. Ok, I get it, you want us to do well, but the teachers never talk about organizing, or scheduling certain events such as tests or quizzes, or when they give out homework, or weather they assign it or not. This causes miscommunications, and stress for the students as one day, they might have two or three homework assignments for a couple classes, but the next day, they have homework in every class, due by tomorrow to go along with several quizzes, which different classes quite often miss schedule to be on the same day.

 

Its crazy how easy things could be if teachers communicated with each other on how to organize such events, how to take stress off the students, who, in my opinion, would thrive on the idea of not having to do homework, but having the option to do it and to study newfound knowledge themselves, instead of being forced to do something, which they most certainly do rebel against.

 

Everything is, of course, easier said than done, but if we do practice what we preach, we can make progress in actually helping the student thrive, get the grades they can get, instead of constantly pressuring them and risking the burning out of their flame and will power to do well. I know, in my case, through past experiences, that homework can help, but when you have homework in a lot of classes as well as studying and quizzes to create a trio of “I’m going to fuck up for grades,” it can be stressful. I can understand how practice makes perfect, but it should be the students decision weather they practice their talents, or not.

 

It should be the student’s decision. Homework is very stressful when paired with studying, as well as more homework from different classes. It can lead to the burning out of a student, bad grades, and low confidence in oneself to get better grades. If schools reduce the amount of homework they give, they will definitely see a drastic change in grade fluctuation, and it most certainly will be positive. 

Going Out, Stripclubs

so almost every saturday, i like to go out with my friends. usually, we just go to clubs or some shit, fuck around, dance, do whatever, and then we leave, the night is over.

but, where we go out, my friend and i noticed that there are a precarious amount of strip clubs in the area. so, we figured, why not try it out. 

so, the first time we try it out, we just are walking outside of the burger king, and then these two ladies pull us to the side and say, do you want to come in. of course, being horny teenagers, we both said yes to the ladies, and we went in, no ID, which is amazing but not uncommon. so we go in, and we get a lapdance. now, we paid 60 euros total for 2 lapdances, being inexperienced, we thought a lapdance was like 20 minutes, but nope, we got scammed, the ladies finished in literally 1 song, which is barely 3 minutes. what fucking bull shit. we wasted all our money for the night on 3 minutes of barely any taint. 

so, being the smart people me and my friend are, the next week we bring even more money to the strip clubs. the good thing was, we both didnt have id cards, so we couldnt get into any of the strip clubs that we wanted to get into. i remember we wanted to get into one so bad, we tried 8 times one night after going to like 7 others and getting turned down, we tried to go to this one near a club we go to a lot, but everytime the guy was like, where is your id, i cant let you in without your id. so we didnt get in that saturday after wasting a good 2 hours trying to get into at least 1 strip club.

the next week, my friend gets an ID. we go to the clubs, and they let him in, but they dont let me in. i mean, i can understand why they didnt, but i think my excuse of forgetting my id at my apartment and being a foreign exchange student from spain were pretty decent, decent enough to get me into a strip club once that night. but not luck. 

so, i finally decide to ask my good buddy to make me one, and, he succeeds. i print mine out, and we are ready to go. but wait, i have to make it seem legit, cause whos going to buy a guy with an ID just printed out on a piece of paper? no one. so, i try to make it look pro, so i just put some cardboard on the back, and then to like laminate the shit, i cut out pieces of like folder paper thats clear, and i glued them to both sides. i mean, it wasnt the best of jobs, but i think i did well for a first time offender. 

so, when i meet my friends up that night, i show them my work of art. my mona lisa if you would. they tell me it looks like shit, i wont get into any clubs. wow, i thought i had friends, people who would support me, not people who would kill my hopes and dreams of getting pussy in the strip club. anyway, we leave the place where we met up, and we go to the clubs. usually, we just went to this one club which is filled with smoke, so much it will make your eyes fucking water, so we dont really go there anymore unless its early, plus onlike like 12 year olds go there, or people without ID cards, so fuck it, whatever. 

anyway, we get the idea that we should to the more lavish, elder clubs, ones with people who actually know what the anatomy of a penis is when they are sober. so me with my new ID card looking all mighty and tall pulls it out when we walk up, but as i walk by the bouncer, i realize he didnt even ask me for ID. he just let me walk right in. wow, i was like, wtf, i spend like 30 good minutes on my pro ID card, and its all for not, i dont even get to show it off. 

long story short, every place we go, they dont ask to see my ID card. which is really weird. either i had a pretty good stache going, or they just didnt really care that night. i dont know, but all i could think was i dont really need one anyway. so as we are leaving, saying goodbye, going home, i take out the card glued to the cardboard and shit, and i see that its all green haha, its so funny because the ink actually like, i dont know, got fucked up to the point where the whole front of the ID card turned green. 

anyway, so the next week, i decide to make it a bit more legit without really making it that much more legit. i jut end up printing it out on a piece of paper, and using that. and it worked. legit, it worked, got into every club, strip club, everywhere. it made me really proud to be like, yeah, i can get in there, there, there, there. like, my friend and i were literally young kings in the clubs with our new ID cards, just, we were kings. 

the week after that, we get into some strip clubs, my friend and i, and the ladies take us into the same room, now the one i had was like, lets go into the next room, and im like, ok whatever, and then i leave my friend. so im literally in there for like 2 hours because this bitch stole like 200 euros from me, i had put all my money into separate pockets because i knew i had a lot, and you never tell a hoe how much money you have, cause of course, quoting breezy, these hoes aint loyal, and they aint going to respect the fact that you aint willing to spend fitty thouzand on dem shits. i knew not to raise a problem tho, i was just really mad because she literally robbed me, and there was nothing i could do about it because she knew i wasnt 18, and there were police outside, so she of course could have gone and gotten them, and i would have been fucked. so anyway, i just sit there, and when i finally escape, my friends gone. i spend the next hour looking for him, and then i finally find them, and then its whatever they tell me they had been looking for me for an hour in literally the same place i was looking for them, but i dont really think so because i walked up and down the street they were looking for me on about 5 times. 

ANYWAY….

so this week, we go out, and i see more of my friends, the really really really really really really really fun ones, and we go into the club, but of course, we had to flash our ID cards like you flash your SS Anne ticket in Pokemon, and we go inside and meet them. of course, we have a little talk, fuck around, have some fun, I DONT DRINK, OR DO DRUGS, OR SMOKE, I JUST LIKE TO HAVE FUN WITH MY FRIENDS. just a little disclaimer for those who are reading this. but anyway, we just have some fun, and you know, do some thangs that we are not proud to speak of, at least im not. anyway, i just wanted to share my ID card chronicles with you guys because it was a long time coming, and i just thought it was funny how me and my friend were just so naive and just so fucking dumb all the time, btw, we are never going to strip clubs again, we blew bout 550+ euros on it in the past 3 weeks, so we are not going to fuck with that shit anymore, just so you know. and im warning you guys reading this, never go to the strip clubs, you can get real pussy in the clubs if you are attractive, or if the girl is drunk, either or. 

haha, thanks for reading my story, and i hope none of you fall under the traps my friend and i have. make sure to check my blog for weekly posts, i know i havent been consistent, ive just got a lot of my table, im starting a youtube channel, and im going to be playing pokemon on it soon, so i hope some of you reading this will be watching my videos, hopefully, hopefully. anyway, i hope you enjoyed my story, bye. 

 

Stay Focused

a lot of the time, i find it hard to focus on one. i tend to do multiple things at once, and can focus on all of them pretty well, but when im just doing one thing, its really hard to focus on it. 

ive been reading up on iq tests, and how people have tested in the past. ive taken a lot online, some say 180 + some say 150 +, i also took a test on mensa, the free one, and i got 29/30 right the first time ( mensa is the only website that is credited), so i know none of them are very accurate, so i really want to take a legitimate test to really see how i test. but when i read about people who have tested high, they have done things with their lives that i could never come close to doing. i feel so dumb, and i feel like i have no knowledge whatsoever about anything, and just feel ignorant more than knowledgable. 

its hard for me to stay focused, let alone be patient with something. i was waiting for youtube so about a minute, and i just started screaming, and almost broke my computer. i guess ive just waited too long in the past to the point where i just cant wait any longer. but staying focused is really hard for me for some reason. i try to focus on my homework, just get sidetracked, and end up listening to music, playing pokemon, doing the homework a little faster than i would have if i didnt have those things, but thats not the point, the points is that i just cant focus on things to the point where i need to like listen to something, jump, walk around, something to take my mind off of just that one thing, and on to two or three things so i dont have all my eggs in one basket. i think that phrase fits the situation. 

another thing is im not focused on things like school, or sports, but more so focused on my relationship status. i love this girl, but our relationship has been really hard in these past months, and i just dont know what to do anymore. its not like i dont care, but it hurts too much to care anymore. 

i put so much effort into that, and other useless things that im not focused on things like school or family, i dont know notice other things, and i just focus on things i care about. i dont like to focus on things other people care about because if its not me, then i dont really care.

i know i sound hypocritical when i say im in love, but i really dont care, but its just to the point in my life where i just dont care who you are, what you are, where you are, when you are, whatever. i dont really care. you are just another person in the world, just like me, we are practically the same thing, taking up the same space, breathing the same air, running the same race, we are no different than anyother person in this whole goddamn world, but that doesnt mean you should give up. i still have time to try to take back my life, which i intend on doing, but i just need to find a way to focus on things that are meaningful instead of things like a relationship, or family, or friends. i need to find myself, and i think that would take a while with all the distractions around me. 

Be Sensible

when you are in a down dog facing position in life, the only thing you have to look forward to is having your face stuffed into the ground, and your ass pounded by some dude, or girl wearing a strap on either in the pussy, or the butthole. 

it hurts, i know, but its just what happens in those situations. its sensible not to end up in one of those positions where you are ultimately just fucked. having an idea of what you want to happen, and having the ability to carry out what you want done helps. having any sort of intelligence also assists nicely. 

today, i got in trouble for a spanish paper i had turned in. the principle comes and gets me during lunch, and takes me to his office. i go in, and i say, ohh, what did i do this time, and he shows me my spanish homework. in that split second in which i didnt know what i had done, i was thinking did i get cum all over it or something, but when he turned the page, my hear stopped, and i just saw this big fat cock that my friend had drawn. i had totally forgotten about the dick, and when it came time to turn in the homework, i just gave it to the teacher, forgetting that on the second page there is a big fat monster cock just bulging and pulsating out of the page like a fucking 3D movie. it was basically the size of sully when he was the monkey thing in avatar. 

i just look him dead straight in the eyes and i say, i didnt do that. because i didnt. i seriously didnt. even though i didnt do it, i wasnt sensible enough to actually make sure i remembered that he had drawn this cock on my paper, and taken care of it when i had private time, but i wasnt. i left it up to the elements, them being how fucking forgetful people are, and how obvious a big fat cock looks on a thin piece of paper. 

i then go on to say, if you want to punish me for this, go right ahead, it would save both of us time, or at least you time, and spare you a difficult decision when you can just suspend me for a bit right now. 

long story short, he calls me back into his office at a really inopportune time, i was taking my math test, and he just calls me in, and i just like, but when am i going to finish, anyway, i go in, and he tells me im going to be suspended for one day, which is friday, tomorrow. i really dont mind the suspension, i have at least 8 homeworks that i have to turn in by the end of the week, or by monday, so i really dont mind, but still, i got in trouble for something that i didnt do because i wasnt sensible enough to asses the situation. i didnt take the time out of my “busy” day to make sure i took care of that cock, and to make sure i finished the homework itself as it was originally a classwork, but was changed to homework when no one had finished it in class. 

im telling you this story because there will be a time, or for many of you unfortunate people, times, that you will have to deal with these types of situations, and you will have to go through the consequences of not being sensible enough to haven taken care of them when you had the chance, or chances. the system didnt fail you, your friends, or family, or anyone, they didnt fail you. the only noun you have to blame is yourself. 

this is a learning experience for me, and for all of you who have gone through things like this in the past that even though you might not have done whatever it is you got in trouble for, you werent sensible enough to take care of the situation, to handle it, to asses the damages. you didnt take the time to fix a problem that you knew was there, you were too focused on other and im assuming more important things that a possible expulsion charge. 

if you have had similar situations, make sure to tell me in the comments below, id love to hear them. make sure to check my blog for weekly posts, as im really trying to think straight right now, ive been in a really dark place, literally, the lights broke in my room, and there is no electricity running through the house. but ill make sure to update those of you who actually read this piece of shit, and i will make sure you are entertained in my absence. 

if you want to check out my likes.com, heres the link. http://fingerstroodle.likes.com/

All Alone

have you ever felt all alone? have you ever felt like there was no one who was there for you? like you were the only person in the world that didnt have anyone? 

ive already talked about how i feel, about how im depressed, about all of that shit. ive talked about how i suck at life, but i havent really touched upon the feeling of feeling alone. 

i constantly feel this because i constantly feel like im smarter than people, shut up, (i know that sounds conceited, but its not like you havent felt that before), and they just dont understand how i feel, or what i am, or who i am, or where im going. i dont even know, so when people ask me what my plans are for the future, i just look at them, and politely say i dont know, because i honestly dont know. im 15, i dont know anything. i feel comfortable with knowing nothing, i would feel uncomfortable if i knew things. 

i feel alone because no one takes the time and effort to get to know me, and i just cant trust anyone to get any closer than they already have. ive learned to not let anyone closer than 10 feet away in physical distance, and a lightyear in mental distance. its hard enough having to deal with the relationship im already in, its very depressing coming home to what once was your home, but feeling like you are out of place there. it hurts. im in love, yes, do i hate myself for being in love, yes, but i dont regret it because ive literally never felt safer with anyone else but this person. but i hurt because its so hard to be with her now, im 5000 miles away, 6 hours ahead, and just drifting further and further away each and every day. 

i feel alone because i feel like people dont understand me. im the only flower in a field full of wheat. i feel alone, i feel like i dont belong, i feel awkward, i feel like i can be too much for people. i feel like if i wasnt alive, peoples lives would be so much easier. i make an impression on people that im happy, funny, chill, but when you get to know me, god forbid, youll really understand that im nothing like that on the inside. i care too much about things that really shouldnt matter to me. i put too much effort into things that already are doomed to fail. im just a mess, mentally and physically. im not fat, but i feel slow sometimes, i cant move my limbs, my legs stop, my eyes shut, i wake up in my dreams, i feel alone, no ones home, just me and my thoughts. 

i think too much, about nothing, mostly things people dont worry about. its weird, because i sit in class everyday and i just think about everything. anything but what we are doing in class, thats what crosses my mind. im a blank sheet of paper on the outside, but on the inside, its like fucking leonardo davinicii painted my ribcage or someshit. its weird. 

i dont know anything, anymore, and i dont think putting in effort to know something about nothing is worth anyones time. 

 

Pissed Off

im so fucking tired of being pissed off. its pissing me the fuck off. i dont get why everything has to be so hard. of course, everything is easier said than done, but people make it seem like going to the store to get some food in the rain is like the story of noah and his arch. 

seriously, i dont fucking get it. its the same with when you are talking with someone online. ok, you are talking with them for a little, but you almost always never have their full attention. sure, you may be able to keep a conversation going, but when the other person doesnt reply to you for maybe 5 minutes, its like a whole totally new conversation. im not saying everyone is guilty of this crime, but i will say that most of you are. 

when im talking to someone in person, i dont just pause for 5 minutes, and then come back to them and talk about what we were just talking as if i was there the whole time. no, i wasnt. its the same for online, you cant expect to have a conversation with a person who doesnt respond. thats just fucking retarded, and makes absolutely no sense.

i also hate it when people make excuses, and they are too busy making up the excuses to check if they seem legit or not. if you have a project due the next day, ok, thats great, go do that, im not as important as a project, sure, its not like we are always fighting or anything. but sure, go finish your project, its not like you have one everyday now, it seems, talk to me in an hour, hopefully youll be done by then, but theres no way of knowing if you dont tell me. but then, when you come back, its like you have a thousand other things you gotta do all of a sudden, on top of the project that you still havent finished. 

people fucking procrastinate the fuck out of everything. they leave no time for friends or family, and for the first time, ever, its not the schools fault for giving so much homework, its the students fault for not being able to finish the assignments when they have to, then they miss out on relationships. it really does take a toll on what may seem like important relationships, but when it comes to school, nothing is more important, that is true, and once everybody understands it, as hard as it may seem, we can all get over ourselves.

anyway, moving onto more things that piss me off. i hate it when teachers pick on students, i had this one kid in my class a couple years ago, and the teacher would always bull shit him about nothing. he could just walk into class, and automatically be late, even though he would come in with me, and im always early. its fucking dumb. i also hate it how teachers play favorites, i know that too well. i use to live in mexico, and my teachers would all have their favorite students. you know the little fucking teachers pets, suck your dick for an A. those anus holes. and the teachers would always use them like dead fish when luring sharks. they would just bait them, and it was sick, because the students only wanted to get an A, and the teachers were so impressed, they gave them the lavish job of cleaning up the classrooms, and wiping down the board, practically living with the teacher, being their in school maid. the students were of course so delighted to do these things, as they would always get an A, mmmmhhmhmmhm, i wonder why. 

i also hate it when people think they are above you, just because of their political views, or their jobs at work. ya, sure, you may be my boss at work, but you dont own me. we are equals, you are not better than me. you may have a diluted sense of thinking, thats fine, a lot of people are dumb, just dont hold it over my head that you are in a higher rank than me at work. outside of work, we are just the same people. you and me, basically brothers. so dont bull shit me about being better than me, this also goes for teachers, just because they have the authority over me, it doesnt mean they own me. sure, i have to follow a set amount of rules, but when you wip out the bull shit on me, hell to the no im going to listen to your bitch ass. just today, this fucking whore of a teacher comes out and tells us that we cant throw a football where we were, its a rule. i then saw the principle immediately after she had waddled away, and i asked him if it was a rule. he said no, its fine, just as long as you dont hurt anyone. theres an example of how teachers just think they can bull shit you, because they have the authority over you. NO. you absolutely cannot take that shit from anyone. 

i also hate it when we have talks in school about equal rights between men and women. we just had a talk about this in class, so i hope people remember what went down. we were talking about women make considerably less in the work place than men. if that were the case, there would be no men working, only women, because of course, who wants to waste money when you can save it. we were also talking about how women do less pushups, and i brought up the topic of how women never pay for the date, if you do ever get the chance to go out on a date with a woman, she should at least pay half of the bill. thats fine, i think its fine for women to not have to pay for the date also, but when a woman starts to preach the beliefs of feminism in my presence, but i know that she has never paid for the date, objected to doing less exersize than me in gym, and then tells me that woman should be treated better because they go through a period once a month, and it hurts like hell. if you wanted fucking equal rights, you wouldnt use that as a defense. come back to me when you have logical points, and a good argument, cause i aint listening to your bitch ass while you bull shit me under your mother fuckin breath, and interrupt me in class when im tryna make a point about how men and women are created equal, but how i dont and will never support feminists. the reason why is, well, i guess you are going to have to think about what i have said in previous blogs about this subject, i know i have talked about it a lot. 

ive just been really fucking pissed off at people these past weeks, more often than not, and i make the stupid fucking mistake of actually trusting them. i know, its fucking dumb. i have expectations for theses people, and im always mad about it. i cant get too close to a person because i risk getting hurt. i think its just best to go through life without friends, without a girlfriend or boyfriend, and just focus on you, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, in the future you could attempt to find love, but really, life is a hopeless place. motherfucking rihanna in this bitch, mindfucked yall.

if you like what you read, and or have similar views on these sorts of things, or are just generally pissed the fuck off at people, tell me about it in the comments. thanks for reading, and make sure to check weekly for updates.