as i said in my last post, and in some others, i find it hard to trust anyone in my life, and this is due to previous experiences in my life, and in other peoples lives.
i find it hard to get close to anyone, and the people im close to, are the people i feel most comfortable with. although, its hard to function sometimes without them. i grew dependent on those people, i need them in my life, more than they would ever think they needed me.
i value friendships, i value the relationships i have with people, good and bad. i make them know they are wanted, they are liked, they are loved, they are needed. but they almost never check up on me. they dont make me feel needed, they dont make me feel like im loved, and i find it hard to be happy when i have no one in my life that makes sure im ok, makes sure that im happy with how things are going.
i havent talked to her in a couple days, but im pretty sure i wont for another couple.
i hate it when people say ill talk to you later, because that leaves room for them to say, oh yeah, a year is technically later. no, just no.
ive dealt with so much bullshit in my life, and i have forgiven those who should have been forgotten.
i seldom trust people in my life because of past experiences. i see no future for me. i once had a vague idea of what it would look like, me and her, 2 kids, a nice loft, but i dont think she has those thoughts anymore.
i need to start to keep the people in my life that give me love, make me feel needed, but its hard to let go of someone who you are in love with.
to those people who know me personally, i try, but i cant do this alone. i have to find my own way out of the hole im in, but that doesnt mean i dont need you to help me along the way when i get stuck. dont abandon me, im not someone who deserves that, after all we have been through, dont treat me like im expendable.