its hard to find someone you can love. its hard to find someone you can trust. its hard to find someone to believe in, but its easy to be alone.
for me, its to the point where i can barely trust anyone, where im almost never happy. when i try to open up to people, they just shut me down, when i try to be close to the one person i thought would always be there for me, shes gone.
everything is easier said than done. people say, stop being depressed. go out and do things, make new friends, be exciting. but i cant.
i try to cover up what i feel inside with humor because it feels like the only thing thats stopping me from killing myself.
i cant trust anyone, i dont believe in anything, and the one person i loved with all my heart is gone.
when i say there is no one there for me, im not lying. i didnt push people away, i asked for their help, and they just shut me down.
its all the pressure in my life, my relationship, which is almost always shitty, my life at home, which is almost always shitty, my grades, which are always shitty, my paranoia, my anxiety, it all comes down on me, and in that single point in time in which the shit hits the fan, its like im that milasian airlines, i just blow up, and vanish.
i wish i could just run away from all my problems, i wish i wasnt such a problem to the one person i love in my life. i just make it harder and harder for everyone around me.
i just want to die.