Her Life

She said take me
He said where
She said its up to you honey, I don’t care
So he took her hand and they were off in the blink of an eye
Through time and space, they flew
Laws were defied and boundaries were broken
They exploded through the walls before them
Nothing slowed them in their ventures
And then, everything was still
Her heart stopped beating, her eyes closed, and she just lay there
Till finally, it was time to let go
Her eyes never did open again, but she had the time of her life
With him.

Poem by FingerStroodle #quotes #poem

Really Funny Rap

I’m the nigga, rose to fame, the leader of this legislature

I’m the nigga making yo bitch do tricks, lion tamer

I’m the one, least that’s what yo ex say, I’m the new least that’s what yo next say

Ima be here till I die, then ima reincarnate

Nigga I got nine lives, start to appreciate

All the things, in my life, that I get for free

A  young nigga born from social media

Yeah, that niggas me

I’m a revolution

The savior of our world

Any nigga try to stop me

Gunna be a mass execution

 

Cause ima make you work for it

Like a bitch for a treat

Ima make you dance for it

Like a bitch for some weed

Make you cry

Make you want me

Gone leave yo sorry ass

Make you need me

Ima make you tired

Ima make you freezing

Cause im the wind, mafucking breezy. 

Living A Lie- Rap; Written by FingerStroodle

It’s hard to feel things when you’ve been through so many

I don’t like to talk about the distant or recent past

I’d much rather live in what is considered to be the now, and look forward toward the future

But I can’t deny the fact that I’m constantly reminded

By you, By us, By what used to be, and by what could have been

 

There’s some shit I can’t look at the same way anymore

Things I can’t do because of how it used to be

People I can’t talk to because of what it used to be

Like with you and me

But it’s just me

You off somewhere else

Fucking some fake ass nigga

Aint thinking about yo feelings

Just thinking bout he can fill all your fill ins

 

Crying cause it hurt

I know you aint never feel the same

I know it was never real for you

I can’t lie girl, im sorry I ever fucked you

But I know I was just a fuck

You never cared to give

 

I hope you think about all the times we had

All the things we shared

All the things we were

All the things we did

Cause I know you cared

Even just for a minute

I know you loved me

Or else you wouldn’t have committed

Or I was just a pawn

In your fucked up little game of chess

Cept you aint the queen

You the horse

Cause you just love getting rid

Of niggas like they tissues

Worthless things you blow

Then you forget about two mins

later

I hope you know I was the best

And am the best you will ever have

Aint noboy like me out there

And when you realize how it is

And how you fucked up

Then it will be too late

It’s hard to feel things when you’ve been through so many

I don’t like to talk about the distant or recent past

I’d much rather live in what is considered to be the now, and look forward toward the future

But I can’t deny the fact that I’m constantly reminded

By you, By us, By what used to be, and by what could have been

 

There’s some shit I can’t look at the same way anymore

Things I can’t do because of how it used to be

People I can’t talk to because of what it used to be

Like with you and me

But it’s just me

You off somewhere else

Fucking some fake ass nigga

Aint thinking about yo feelings

Just thinking bout he can fill all your fill ins

 

Crying cause it hurt

I know you aint never feel the same

I know it was never real for you

I can’t lie girl, im sorry I ever fucked you

But I know I was just a fuck

You never cared to give

 

I hope you think about all the times we had

All the things we shared

All the things we were

All the things we did

Cause I know you cared

Even just for a minute

I know you loved me

Or else you wouldn’t have committed

Or I was just a pawn

In your fucked up little game of chess

Cept you aint the queen

You the horse

Cause you just love getting rid

Of niggas like they tissues

Worthless things you blow

Then you forget about two mins

later

I hope you know I was the best

And am the best you will ever have

Aint noboy like me out there

And when you realize how it is

And how you fucked up

Then it will be too late

Empty

its been shit, its been rough, but i never once stopped loving her. i never once left the conversation without saying goodbye. i never once kept her guessing does he love me, or does he love me not. i chose to stay, to stick with her because when you are in love, you do crazy shit, you do fucked up shit because you are in love. i would die for that girl, i would give her my life, just so she could keep hers.

ive never trusted someone so much, ive never given someone as much worth, or meaning, and now that whatever i had left has been broken; moving on, loving someone, trusting someone, caring for someone, those phrases arent in my vocabulary.

what was once a beautiful thing, is now a tarnished piece of what could have been, but never was.

i made a promise to always love her, and i dont plan on breaking it. i thought i had found the one, and to lose your world, to have it not taken away, but ripped away as if it were nothing to he; the hurt is worse when you love the person even more after all that they have done to you, all the pain they have caused.

i will never forget her, or what we had. i will never forget the way it used to be, and the way it could have been. people say it is better to have loved and lost to never have loved before, but when you meet that person who you cant live without, and finally find out after a year that youve only been wasting your time, then you will feel the pain, the hurt, the feelings pulsing through your brain, your heart, and your soul.

love is blind; you should never blame yourself for falling in love, but you should blame yourself for not being able to move on. im going to live with her name engraved into the side of my brain for as long as my heart is pumping, but im sad to say i was but a half of a relationship that never worked out to her.

ce la vi.

I Was Sick

It’s 1:30 as I’m writing this.

 

I’m really hungry and have been for the past 20 minutes. I woke up at close to 12 o’clock in the morning, and I haven’t been able to fall back asleep, yet. Usually, I would have Wi-Fi, and I would be able to watch YouTube until I fell back asleep, but since I’m sick, and my parents turned off the Wi-Fi because they wanted me to get as much rest as possible, I can’t do what I want to do.

 

I’ve been home sick for the past couple days, and have done most of my homework, missing a couple assignments here and there, but I’ve kept up with the workload I was given. However, I still haven’t finished at least 2 assignments for English class that I should have a week ago. I’ve had many chances, and opportunities to actually get down to business and start doing them, in the hopes of finishing, but really have had no such motivation to do anything but sleep.

 

Once you get in the habit of sleeping a lot, its hard not to come home from school and take a nap, or not wake up until 6 PM on a Sunday. I slept because I was stressed, and sleeping took away the stress, momentarily. While I slept, I didn’t have to deal with the stress and the chaos around me. I was alone, all alone, in my thoughts. I was left to think about what I wanted to do, what I felt, what I was feeling, I was left to wonder what would happen, what had happened. I had all these things I could think about, and it just made me want to look into them more and more.

 

I’ve had so many great adventures in my thoughts, and some even translate, or correlate to real life events, that could have happened that week, or even several years back. It just blew me away that I could remember some things in my thoughts, my dreams, but I couldn’t remember them for the life of me when I was awake.

 

For example, I was in school, and we were learning about something, and I was completely clueless as to what we were even talking about. When I got home, after of course another stressful day in the life I lead, I fell asleep. Unknowing of the fact that I would revisit such knowledge, I willingly fell asleep in hopes to forget what happened that day, but actually found the answer to many of my questions.

 

I woke up sweaty, it’s quite common, and all of a sudden knew and understood what we had been talking about that day in class. Its not that I never knew, its just that I had forgotten all about it. I had seen it and studied it before, so the knowledge was already in my mind, I just couldn’t translate it like I could when I was asleep.

 

The same goes for adventures we all wish we could go on. I came home from school; it was a decent day. I remember eating some food, then immediately falling asleep to a YouTube video.

 

In my dreams, my thoughts, I wasn’t trapped, but I felt found. I felt as if my thoughts had found me, and vice versa. I was able to access thousands of memories, and was also able to make more.

 

My mind chose to make more as I was catapulted into a new world, one I had never seen before. I was a foreign substance in another mans world. It was scary, and intimidating, but I quickly met someone, or something.

 

It looked like a man, although it was somewhat see through, like some of those bioluminescent fish you see at the bottom, or at least close to the bottom, of the sea. The light shunned through him and was quickly reflected on to me. I looked at my body, and I saw that I was also somewhat see through, and the light was reflected onto me, then refracted through me, and bounced down to the ground, and lighting the setting, as it was previously pitch black.

 

I had never seen or experienced something like this ever before in my life, so I didn’t know what to expect. I had no knowledge of what was going to happen next. It was scary knowing that I knew nothing of where I was, what I was doing, who I was, when I was, or why I was. I was confused, but at the same time intrigued to find out more.

 

After the room was completely filled full of sun, the man proceeded to walk backward facing me, making sure I followed him, never straying from the clear path he was then painting. He led me to a spot under a tree. It wasn’t a very large tree, more so medium size, but it looked very abundant with leaves, and was flourishing in the sunlight. We walked around the tree until the man signaled to a door. I had no idea what he wanted me to do, but curiosity killed the cat, and I opened the door, unknowing of what would be on the other side.

 

I was hoping for an answer, but was met with a question. The door had led me to yet another room, but instead of being pitch black, it was white. Very white, I couldn’t see a thing. I looked down at what seemed to be a never-ending drop into nothing, and saw just that, nothing.

 

What was my mind trying to tell me? I was nothing? I would amount to nothing? I didn’t understand what was being said to me. But then I remembered, I was in my thoughts, I could think, I could do whatever I wanted. I started to see things form in my imagination, which were immediately translated into a picture perfect copy in the white room. As I thought more and more about things I wanted in life, I started to see the room light up, and the things appear.

 

It felt so real; I had everything I could ever want. Then, it hit me. My mind was trying to tell me that if I was willing to work for something, work for something’s, there was an endless possibility of things I could do, or be.

 

I woke up. Sweaty, irritated by the fact that the balls of sweat rolling down my face stung my eyes as they drip dropped down from my eyebrows.

 

I had no idea what had just happened, nor did I have any recollection of what had just happened in my mind, or in my thoughts. It’s quite usual that you do forget your dreams within a certain amount of time of waking up. But it is also quite usual that you remember later in the day, or week, or month, or year, or life. Luckily, it didn’t take me my whole life to remember what I had been thinking of. I felt as if my life had been given a new meaning, more opportunities, a clear-cut idea and game plan of what I had to do to achieve my goals, and to get what I wanted.

 

I felt in control, for the first time, in a long time. I felt as if I was knowing, wiser than I was before. I felt found. 

I Was Sick

I’m so bored, I don’t know what to do right now, I want to go ask my mom if I am going to stay home tomorrow, but I don’t know weather I should get up and leave my room or not. I risk my dad waking up, again, and bitching at us for being sick. Like it’s our faults we are sick. Our mom got sick, then we got sick, it’s not our faults, and we shouldn’t be blamed for something we don’t have control over. We don’t have control over our bodies’ immune system, we need medicine, home remedies, whatever, because our body is quite susceptible to infections.

 

It sucks because this week, I really wanted to go out with my friends, but now I don’t think I will be able to go because I was sick for a couple days, and the way my parents think is if you are sick during the school week, you are sick on the weekends. Its retarded and doesn’t make sense, I’d much rather stay home all week, and not go out on the weekends than go to school everyday and go out. That’s just my way of seeing things.

 

My parents have also turned off the Wi-Fi so I can’t see what homework I have, or had. I know that yesterday, technically, I had a really important drama performance that I had to miss because I didn’t go to school, and even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to act in the play because my voice was and still is totally shot.

 

I also know that I still have to finish a dialogue for English class by tomorrow as it is already late. The latter part of the school year, the majority of my assignments that I actually do turn in, I turn them in late, later than any student in the grade, but I do so because the teachers are very lenient with the system, and the idea of turning things in on time.

 

That actually gets me started on my philosophy of not believing in the idea of homework. Homework is just another thing school gives us to be mad about. If it weren’t for homework, I bet you most kids would be passing school, instead of failing it, or getting A’s in school instead of just being on the cusp, or the difference between a pass and fail. Homework is just added on to the amount of studying you might have to do for a certain class. For example, science: you have to come to class prepared with your notebook, graph paper, your notes from the previous day, a pencil, a pen, an eraser, and an open mind to whatever you are going to be doing that day, or over the span of a week, or other timeframe. Then, after science class, you will almost certainly have homework to reassure you of what you just spent an hour doing, and then you are supposed to study it. I believe that you should study your notes, but when the teacher forcefully adds on homework to the vast amount of studying you must do, then it puts more stress on the students rather than if the teacher assigned the studying, and left it up to them weather or not they would practice what they studied.

 

It puts a lot of stress on students, as well, when each and every class comes down on them with a fuck ton of homework. Ok, I get it, you want us to do well, but the teachers never talk about organizing, or scheduling certain events such as tests or quizzes, or when they give out homework, or weather they assign it or not. This causes miscommunications, and stress for the students as one day, they might have two or three homework assignments for a couple classes, but the next day, they have homework in every class, due by tomorrow to go along with several quizzes, which different classes quite often miss schedule to be on the same day.

 

Its crazy how easy things could be if teachers communicated with each other on how to organize such events, how to take stress off the students, who, in my opinion, would thrive on the idea of not having to do homework, but having the option to do it and to study newfound knowledge themselves, instead of being forced to do something, which they most certainly do rebel against.

 

Everything is, of course, easier said than done, but if we do practice what we preach, we can make progress in actually helping the student thrive, get the grades they can get, instead of constantly pressuring them and risking the burning out of their flame and will power to do well. I know, in my case, through past experiences, that homework can help, but when you have homework in a lot of classes as well as studying and quizzes to create a trio of “I’m going to fuck up for grades,” it can be stressful. I can understand how practice makes perfect, but it should be the students decision weather they practice their talents, or not.

 

It should be the student’s decision. Homework is very stressful when paired with studying, as well as more homework from different classes. It can lead to the burning out of a student, bad grades, and low confidence in oneself to get better grades. If schools reduce the amount of homework they give, they will definitely see a drastic change in grade fluctuation, and it most certainly will be positive. 

Going Out, Stripclubs

so almost every saturday, i like to go out with my friends. usually, we just go to clubs or some shit, fuck around, dance, do whatever, and then we leave, the night is over.

but, where we go out, my friend and i noticed that there are a precarious amount of strip clubs in the area. so, we figured, why not try it out. 

so, the first time we try it out, we just are walking outside of the burger king, and then these two ladies pull us to the side and say, do you want to come in. of course, being horny teenagers, we both said yes to the ladies, and we went in, no ID, which is amazing but not uncommon. so we go in, and we get a lapdance. now, we paid 60 euros total for 2 lapdances, being inexperienced, we thought a lapdance was like 20 minutes, but nope, we got scammed, the ladies finished in literally 1 song, which is barely 3 minutes. what fucking bull shit. we wasted all our money for the night on 3 minutes of barely any taint. 

so, being the smart people me and my friend are, the next week we bring even more money to the strip clubs. the good thing was, we both didnt have id cards, so we couldnt get into any of the strip clubs that we wanted to get into. i remember we wanted to get into one so bad, we tried 8 times one night after going to like 7 others and getting turned down, we tried to go to this one near a club we go to a lot, but everytime the guy was like, where is your id, i cant let you in without your id. so we didnt get in that saturday after wasting a good 2 hours trying to get into at least 1 strip club.

the next week, my friend gets an ID. we go to the clubs, and they let him in, but they dont let me in. i mean, i can understand why they didnt, but i think my excuse of forgetting my id at my apartment and being a foreign exchange student from spain were pretty decent, decent enough to get me into a strip club once that night. but not luck. 

so, i finally decide to ask my good buddy to make me one, and, he succeeds. i print mine out, and we are ready to go. but wait, i have to make it seem legit, cause whos going to buy a guy with an ID just printed out on a piece of paper? no one. so, i try to make it look pro, so i just put some cardboard on the back, and then to like laminate the shit, i cut out pieces of like folder paper thats clear, and i glued them to both sides. i mean, it wasnt the best of jobs, but i think i did well for a first time offender. 

so, when i meet my friends up that night, i show them my work of art. my mona lisa if you would. they tell me it looks like shit, i wont get into any clubs. wow, i thought i had friends, people who would support me, not people who would kill my hopes and dreams of getting pussy in the strip club. anyway, we leave the place where we met up, and we go to the clubs. usually, we just went to this one club which is filled with smoke, so much it will make your eyes fucking water, so we dont really go there anymore unless its early, plus onlike like 12 year olds go there, or people without ID cards, so fuck it, whatever. 

anyway, we get the idea that we should to the more lavish, elder clubs, ones with people who actually know what the anatomy of a penis is when they are sober. so me with my new ID card looking all mighty and tall pulls it out when we walk up, but as i walk by the bouncer, i realize he didnt even ask me for ID. he just let me walk right in. wow, i was like, wtf, i spend like 30 good minutes on my pro ID card, and its all for not, i dont even get to show it off. 

long story short, every place we go, they dont ask to see my ID card. which is really weird. either i had a pretty good stache going, or they just didnt really care that night. i dont know, but all i could think was i dont really need one anyway. so as we are leaving, saying goodbye, going home, i take out the card glued to the cardboard and shit, and i see that its all green haha, its so funny because the ink actually like, i dont know, got fucked up to the point where the whole front of the ID card turned green. 

anyway, so the next week, i decide to make it a bit more legit without really making it that much more legit. i jut end up printing it out on a piece of paper, and using that. and it worked. legit, it worked, got into every club, strip club, everywhere. it made me really proud to be like, yeah, i can get in there, there, there, there. like, my friend and i were literally young kings in the clubs with our new ID cards, just, we were kings. 

the week after that, we get into some strip clubs, my friend and i, and the ladies take us into the same room, now the one i had was like, lets go into the next room, and im like, ok whatever, and then i leave my friend. so im literally in there for like 2 hours because this bitch stole like 200 euros from me, i had put all my money into separate pockets because i knew i had a lot, and you never tell a hoe how much money you have, cause of course, quoting breezy, these hoes aint loyal, and they aint going to respect the fact that you aint willing to spend fitty thouzand on dem shits. i knew not to raise a problem tho, i was just really mad because she literally robbed me, and there was nothing i could do about it because she knew i wasnt 18, and there were police outside, so she of course could have gone and gotten them, and i would have been fucked. so anyway, i just sit there, and when i finally escape, my friends gone. i spend the next hour looking for him, and then i finally find them, and then its whatever they tell me they had been looking for me for an hour in literally the same place i was looking for them, but i dont really think so because i walked up and down the street they were looking for me on about 5 times. 

ANYWAY….

so this week, we go out, and i see more of my friends, the really really really really really really really fun ones, and we go into the club, but of course, we had to flash our ID cards like you flash your SS Anne ticket in Pokemon, and we go inside and meet them. of course, we have a little talk, fuck around, have some fun, I DONT DRINK, OR DO DRUGS, OR SMOKE, I JUST LIKE TO HAVE FUN WITH MY FRIENDS. just a little disclaimer for those who are reading this. but anyway, we just have some fun, and you know, do some thangs that we are not proud to speak of, at least im not. anyway, i just wanted to share my ID card chronicles with you guys because it was a long time coming, and i just thought it was funny how me and my friend were just so naive and just so fucking dumb all the time, btw, we are never going to strip clubs again, we blew bout 550+ euros on it in the past 3 weeks, so we are not going to fuck with that shit anymore, just so you know. and im warning you guys reading this, never go to the strip clubs, you can get real pussy in the clubs if you are attractive, or if the girl is drunk, either or. 

haha, thanks for reading my story, and i hope none of you fall under the traps my friend and i have. make sure to check my blog for weekly posts, i know i havent been consistent, ive just got a lot of my table, im starting a youtube channel, and im going to be playing pokemon on it soon, so i hope some of you reading this will be watching my videos, hopefully, hopefully. anyway, i hope you enjoyed my story, bye.